We were headed to the Company Christmas party. I was running late, per the usual. My make-up was almost done, my outfit was on, I even had a handful of product I was about to slather into my hair, but I lacked accessories.
Obviously, I could use a little help. I turned to my loving spouse who was, of course, dressed and ready to go.
“Jimmy! Grope around under the Christmas tree until you find a small green box that says, ‘To Gracie, Love Mom and Dad.‘ Lift the lid, without disturbing the bow, and bring me the bracelet that’s inside!”
A myriad of expressions crossed his face, but I was in too much of a frenzy trying to do my face to interpret his face. Besides, I’m no stranger to the 3 D’s of marriage. (Disappointment, Disapproval and Dismay)
“You’re not actually planning to wear it, are you? “
“Yes, go get it!”
“You can’t do that. It’s a Christmas gift!”
Oh, you dear little man…Go get the bracelet! You’re wasting precious time. Of course I can wear it! For starters – I way overpaid, so it needs to be worn to as many events as possible. Before Christmas, after Christmas…it doesn’t matter…it’s a bracelet…it can’t talk, so it won’t tell on me.
Secondly, it’s not uncommon for me to take some of the Christmas gifts I purchase out for a “trial run“ during the month of December.
It just makes good sense to try things out before you give them away.
Besides, this gift is for our daughter, Gracie. The very girl who sashayed into my closet before we left for a performance of The Nutcracker a few years back, saying she needed ‘something else’ to complete her ensemble. She promptly pulled a scarf (previously purchased for Mimi) out of it’s Christmas gift bag and flounced it around her neck. (Promising all the while to re-wrap it when we got home.)
She doesn’t have a leg to stand on as far as this bracelet is concerned.
I’ve talked to many women through the years about the perils of Christmas shopping. One of the chief complaints I hear is that when a woman finds “something darling” for her mom, sister, daughter or bestie, she loves the item so much that she has to buy two. This practice can really add up. Am I right?
My way is more cost efficient
Shhh…it’s bad enough that I have Santa breathing down my neck this time of year, the last thing I need is to be Christmas-Shamed. Please understand – THIS IS NOT RE-GIFTING. Everyone knows that “re-gifting” is when you receive a gift you DON’T LIKE, re-wrap it and give it to someone else. That’s just tacky and rude. I LOVE the item I’m giving you! That’s why I’m wearing it, using it, reading it or playing with it before I give it to you.
It’s not re-gifting, it’s pre-gifting.
I seriously don’t see why Jimmy was freaking out. I’m obviously saving him tons of money by not buying two of everything. Plus, it’s not like I “try out” the gifts I give HIM for Christmas.
Rest assured ye merry gentleman – your chain saws, pressure washers, ladders and other boring gifts are always safe from me. You receive them pristine and untarnished every Christmas morning.
(The price tags dangling off of them should be a dead giveaway…)
2 thoughts on ““Give It A Rest Ye Merry Gentleman” (May Nothing You Dismay…)”
I started subscribing to your blog when I came across the WONDERFUL account you wrote about addressing your daughter’s “bullying.” I have thoroughly enjoyed your writing ever since. At a time when I am doing a lot of unsubscribing, your blog is a breath of fresh air. You nail it every single time, with a much needed dose of great humor.
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Smiling through my busy thanks to you!!