She looks so fine, she's all I need tonight... (And a pair of tongs)

She looks so fine, she’s all I need tonight… (And a pair of tongs)

It’s always a little tricky when you go to buyin’ someone else a present with their money. The “dicey-ness” of the situation can be further compounded when that individual is a “frugal” person. Yeah, I’m talking about the annual challenge of purchasing my husband’s Father’s Day gift. The struggle is real…

I was thinking it would be a fabulous idea to get him a grill this year. After all, we’ve been talking about getting a new one for about 5 or 10 years now, so I thought I’d surprise him by spontaneously taking action.  Fortunately for me, I had not yet executed the purchase when we chanced to discuss our plans for the upcoming Father’s Day weekend. Imagine my surprise when he threw me this curve ball:

Husband – “Whatever you do, don’t buy any food for grilling, it’s going to be way too hot this weekend to grill out!”

‘Uh-oh, I thought to myself, if he doesn’t want to grill out this weekend, that’s going to take a bit of the zing out of presenting him with a brand-spanking-new-grill.’

So I effortlessly moved on to plan B and bought him a brand new bottle of tequila*  instead.

So, now imagine my further surprise when he said these words to me this morning:

Husband – “I’ve put in an offer on a grill and I’m waiting to hear back!”

Wife -“You’ve put in an offer on a grill? And you are waiting to hear back?”

(Ginger Snapping: I thought it was too hot to grill out? That’s why I bought tequila**  instead of bratwurst. What’s more, my guy has some pretty lofty ideas regarding grills. I was thinking $400-$500 max. I’m not saying he isn’t a great Dad and all, but for Pete’s sake, it’s a grill. I know when it comes to men and their meat, it’s serious business,  but we have kids to put through college. My husband is pursuing the purchase of a grill that requires the tendering of an offer? Like when one buys a car?)

Wife – “How much did you offer them for it ?  These Grill-Scheisters?”

Husband -“$100 – but it has some scratches, a rather large dent and a broken wheel. I told them I’d be doing them a favor just hauling it away.”

Wife- “It really sounds like you would be doing them a serious solid.   Not to be a kill-joy on your special weekend, but I kind’ve hope they turn us down.”

Like everything else in life, it resulted in a Bad News/Good News outcome…

Bad news: They said yes.

Good news: They said yes.

We stuck it to The Home Depot, but good!

We were there within the hour to load up our brand new scratched, dented, 3-wheeled Father’s Day Grill. After a brigade of overly-supervised  Orange-Aproned Ones carefully loaded it (because we didn’t want any additional dents we didn’t pay for) into the truck, my triumphant husband pulled around to the front of the store.

Wife- “For crying out loud, what are you doing now?”

Husband- “We get a free bottle of propane with purchase! I told you I really stuck it to those M-effers. I took em deep!”

In retrospect, I’m so glad I didn’t rob him of the joy of buying his own gift with his own money.

Clearly, It was the thrill of the kill, more than the thrill of the grill…


*There wasn’t a scratch on that bottle of tequila. It was in pristine  condition.

**In case you’re wondering, I decided not to return the tequila.  Color me selfish, but I’m keeping it to make myself Margaritas.  It promises to be a long, hot summer.