There was an article I read not long ago, that referred to the Baby Boomers as, “The Sandwich Generation”. I optimistically inferred this to mean that we would be so busy traveling, waterskiing and playing tennis, that we would only have time to throw together a quick sandwich for dinner.

I was mistaken.

They meant we would be wedged in between caring for our children and our aging parents with barely time to even eat a sandwich.

Like much of the research I’ve ignored throughout my life, they were spot on! I didn’t make it down to Baton Rouge for Spring Break with Jimmy and the boys last week, as I ended up staying in Dallas to take care of my mom, who broke her shoulder.

I couldn’t help but notice in the few days I was there, acting as Primary Caregiver, that there are some startling similarities between caring for our aging Mothers and raising our children.

They don’t obey:

I could not have been more clear when I admonished my Mom, during a recent ice storm, “Do Not, under any circumstances, go outside – not even to get your paper – you can’t risk a fall!” We were later informed how LUCKY we were that she broke her “Non-Dominant Side” by a doctor who clearly doesn’t know Doris. If he knew her in the least, he would know she doesn’t have a non-dominant side!!

I admit I was a little miffed that she did what I SPECIFICALLY told her not to do. The last time I was responsible for bathing and feeding another person – cleaning up after them and laundering their tiny outfits, they were required, per the arrangement, to mind me. I prefer it that way.

It’s Necessary to Strictly Monitor their Social Media:

While I was pre-occupied in Dallas, Jimmy had his hands full with a slightly different concern in Baton Rouge… It seems that Mimi is on a dating website.

I got an alarmed and panicked phone call from Jimmy mid-week whispering, “I think my Mom is on a website called My Time or Our Time or Someone’s Time.  And she’s not even trying to hide it from me and the boys. She’s acting like a school girl – What should I do?” (Wouldn’t you think that, after raising 3 daughters, Jimmy would be an expert at mastering The Common School Girl?)

He went on to complain that she picks up her iPad first thing in the morning when she drinks her coffee, last thing at night and several times throughout the day to count her “flirts”! It appears that the iPad we all chipped in and bought her for Christmas had become Pandora’s Tablet.

After the first few of days of immediate success, (as determined by the hourly Flirt-Tally) she asked Jimmy to take a Profile Picture of her and post it on the site. Shortly after the picture posted, her number of “flirts” skyrocketed to 67!!

She is now threatening to meet one of her newfound beaux next week for coffee and beignets. One of the grandchildren suggested that it might be time for the “Stranger Danger” conversation…Fortunately, our brother-in-law has local law enforcement connections and is going to run a preliminary background check on this dude.

Mimi - with the only men that truly matter...

Mimi – with the only men that truly matter…

They’re turning into Benjamin Button:

-Every time I fixed my mom a plate, she said, “Don’t overwhelm me with food!” Seriously? Who over the age of 6 gets overwhelmed by food?

-Strapping her in and out of her sling and her seat belt was reminiscent of my car seat days. You had to add an extra 30 minutes to both sides of every errand. If Graco would invent an Old Lady Carrier, I would register for it and let y’all throw me a Shower.

-And the Sass Mouth at the doctor’s office!  I looked over and caught the doctor’s eye, shrugging, as if to say, “What are you gonna do?” I don’t think he was amused. I put her butt straight into Time-Out when we got home, but she didn’t notice because she fell asleep. I guess it was nap-time.

After I did Mom's hair.  Good to know I have a back-up profession if my current career doesn't pan out!!

All smiles after I did her hair.

We are blissfully back in Oklahoma, leaving our Mothers in the capable hands of our siblings. Jimmy and I both agreed, if he wasn’t swiftly approaching manopause, we would be tempted to have another baby , just to get us out of all this…