Sooner or later I was bound to blog about the adversarial relationship I have with my dog. Recent events prompt me to do so at this time.
It seems that Hazel “made a break for it,” as my son so eloquently stated it, last Sunday. Apparently, when The Hubs took Hazel along to pick up our son from a sleepover, Hazel jumped out of the window of his moving vehicle! Visibly shaken, my guys rescued her (from herself??) and brought her home, relaying the entire story to me.
I instantly saw this as the shameless ploy for attention that it so obviously was. But- before I attempt to explain our relationship, let me explain how we came to have Hazel in the first place….
We weren’t really in the market for a dog when we got Hazel. Have you ever bought anything you didn’t need because you couldn’t resist a BARGAIN??? The simple explanation is that we were trying to help our daughter get a small “apartment sized companion.” One Saturday morning, we went around to local pet stores; my spouse, (who rarely shops for anything) was appalled at the prices they were charging for puppies.
In my husband’s experience, you don’t PAY for a dog, you are doing the world a FAVOR by taking a dog off of someone else’s hands. Anyway, we saw these two adorable Chihuahuas in a small cage at Rich People’s Pet Store. There was a sign above them that said, “Chihuahuas – $400”.
My husband can read, however, he said to the clerk, “how much for one of these Chihuahuas?”
The clerk, looked dispassionately over at the sign, and responded, “$400.”
My husband can also do math, but his next question was, “How much if we take them both?”
The clerk nodded over at the sign and responded, “$800.”
The Hubs was incredulous. He said later, “There has to be a Chihuahua Rescue somewhere in this city!”
Fast forward a month or two: We were driving home from church and as we passed Petsmart, I read a sign aloud, “Chihuahua Rescue -here today!” If I had been staring out of the other window, I would have read, “Milk on sale at Braums, $3.50 a gallon!” But, alas, fate was not my friend that day….
The Hubs (whose love for being right is second only to his love of a bargain) said, “I knew it!” and whipped the car into the parking lot. Before you could say, “think this through,” we were holding the little Mexi-mix and picking out a name. There was about 24 hours of joy knowing how we “put one over” on Rich People’s Pet Store. We showed them all right! We got 4 1/2 pounds of LIVING HELL absolutely free!!
Throughout the adoption process, that morning, she was a docile, grateful and timid little creature, shivering and humble. I have since come to believe that they must dope those dogs up on Benadryl, because within 24 hours of bringing her into our home, she bore no resemblance to her pre-adoptive self. Clearly when the drugs wore off, the REAL HAZEL emerged….
Much to the consternation of all my friends, who insisted that I would grow more and more attached to her with each passing day, that is not the case…Hazel and I have a complicated relationship. Have you ever watched the show “Sister Wives” and puzzled over how two alpha-females can live under the same roof, and remarkably BOTH believe that THEY have the upper-hand? That’s how it is with me and Hazel. We are locked in an ongoing struggle over who is running the show around here, and, even more curious, who controls the majority-share of my husband’s affections.
While it’s true that there were many years that I pined for a “Live-in” (another female to occupy the extra guest room and share the load) this is clearly not what I had in mind. On any given day, Hazel appears to have the better end of the deal . She lays around, eating and sleeping and yapping at anything/anyone that gets within 300 feet of our property.
She doesn’t cook, clean or do laundry, and yet, when my husband walks through the door, you’d think she had been working her puppy-ass off all day in service to him. She gets so excited when his truck rolls in the driveway, that she literally pees on the floor. Undoubtedly flattered, he has commented several times that I am never quite that enthusiastic to see him….
Which brings me back around to Hazel taking a flying leap for herself out of a moving vehicle. I have always subscribed to the popular life philosophy “If you love something, set it free…”
I maintain that the little señorita is not living in captivity and is welcome to make a run for the border anytime she wants!! But I suspect Tom Petty had it right when he mused, “I’m not afraid of you running away, Honey – I get the feeling you won’t!”