You know how sometimes you’ll meet a person and think to yourself or even tell everyone around you, “Oh my gosh, he was the nicest man you could ever want to meet!” Well, That wasn’t my husband.
I’m not saying he wasn’t nice, of course he was, he was nice and got nicer with age, as men tend to do. I’m just saying that “niceness” wasn’t the most overriding quality he left you with when you met him for the first time. He wasn’t out there trying to bowl you over with his charm.
Jim Blanchard was so much more than that.
He was good.
In fact, In all my life I never met a man who was, quite simply, more good.
Because he wasn’t licking you up one side and down the other, blinding you with his sparkle, it would be so easy for an obtuse or distracted person to overlook or even miss altogether the substantive qualities that made him the finest man many of us will ever have had the privilege of knowing.
And I… I had the privilege to be his wife and the mother of his children, I worked for him (although I’m sure if he’s reading this right now, he’s saying my work claim “is debatable!”)
I kept his home, I kept his kids, I kept his bank accounts and I kept his heart. What all of that provided me with was a close -up, behind-the-scenes hidden camera view. A front row seat like no other, into the way this man truly conducted himself in every facet of his life. I never once in all those years saw that man’s character, his integrity or his commitment waver.
And trust me I watched hard.
When I started dating Jimmy, (we were both 18) to use an antiquated phrase, I “set my cap for him” and I’ll just admit right here and now, he was entirely out of my league. He was extremely handsome, remarkably intelligent and possessed a confident James Dean swagger that was both indefinable and irresistible. We had a large group of friends who witnessed this romance unfolding and forecasted “uh-oh this ends badly for this girl”. “She’s bound to get hurt”. “She’s way out of her depth”.
The piece they hadn’t reckoned on was that, oddly enough, Jimmy had a penchant for curly red headed girls. On our first date, we parked out in front of the lakes on the campus of LSU and stared shoulder to shoulder straight ahead at the water talking about life. He had such a reputation as a renegade with a tough guy exterior that I decided to dig deep, “Do you love ANYBODY?” I asked.
He seemed taken aback – surprised and said, “I love my grandmother and my mom.” Some little part of this 18 year old girl was enchanted and enthralled by the raw glimpse of vulnerability and thought, “Ooooh I think I can work with this!” There’s nothing that a teenage girl loves more than a tough outer shell with a soft, sweet center.
Ask any M&M you know…
A few years later, when we were married, there was a bit of a snafu on our wedding day and the cousin who was supposed to transport Jimmy’s beloved aforementioned grandmother to our wedding dropped the ball somehow. After the event was over and we were driving away from the reception, Jimmy got to the end of the pull-through, laid his head on the steering wheel and started to cry. I was of course alarmed as any new bride covered in hopes and rice and future dreams would be. When I asked him what was wrong, he said, “I just never thought I wouldn’t be with my grandmother on my wedding day. Can we go to her?”
But of course we could.
So, he in a white tux, me in a long dress and veil, looking like little bride and groom figurines snatched right off the top of a wedding cake, drove over 2 hours across a dark Louisiana swamp called The Atchafalaya Basin to a small Cajun nursing home where the residents lined the halls cackling and fussing in their native French language – so excited were they to see a bride and groom in full wedding regalia, certainly not your everyday sight in a nursing home.
We turned the corner into his grandmother’s room. She was sitting there in her wheelchair, clutching her rosary beads, head bent in prayer, when she looked up and burst into tears of shock and surprise at the site of her adored grandson as a groom. He knelt on the floor and laid his head in her lap while she made the sign of the cross over him and said again and again, “My Jimmy, my Jimmy you make marry dat girl? You make marry dat girl?”
That scene is burned indelibly in both my heart and my mind. He knew that she sat in that wheelchair all day thinking that she had been forgotten.
And the “peace that surpasses all understanding” enveloped me fully and I knew right then and there that I had chosen well.
So I stood there in that doorway and I thanked our God for the gift of this Great Man, who to the naked eye still looked so much like a boy. And I thanked Our Heavenly Father for whatever rare sliver of wisdom or insight on my part gave me such a bold confidence to pursue him. And then we turned around and drove the 2 hours back to Baton Rouge, packed our car with our wedding gifts and left for Little Rock that night – because Jimmy was in the restaurant business and had to work the next day.
There are hundreds more stories like that. Anecdotes that exemplify the character of this man, his unique leadership style, hilarious stories about his unorthodox approach to developing people, both employees and his own offspring.
I imagine those of us who know the stories and those of you who just want to hear them may sit around for hours laughing and remembering and recounting them. But Fr. Ray said I should probably limit my remarks this morning to 15 minutes or so..
Early on in our marriage, I took a bible study where I was introduced to the concept of tithing. Apparently, unbeknownst to me and Jimmy, God had issued a mandate, expecting us to give away 10% of our income! All the young wives were encouraged to discuss this with their husbands that very evening. Well I wasn’t worried one bit. I knew we were “off the hook,” as my husband was a very frugal man who would never agree to such an outlandish request, even if it did come straight from The Lord.
But I went ahead and told him about it that night and surprisingly and enthusiastically he said, “you know what – I’m in! Absolutely! Set up an entirely separate bank account and we’ll call it the tithe account. Slice 10% off the top of everything I make from here on out and deposit it in there and we will give it all away!”
But it was the way Jimmy gave it away that was noteworthy. Of course the Catholic Church received from us, but Jimmy very quietly behind the scenes paid his employee’s doctor bills, he paid his cooks’ children’s hospital bills, he paid their immigration fees to reunite them with their families. He gave people cars so they could get to work, made various orphans’ tuition payments and helped other people get back on their feet after a personal life disaster.
But it was always very low-key. And, were I to ever utter a word of praise for him in public, he would’ve given me that withering “Jim Blanchard look.” For him, Christian charity was quiet, low key and personal, which is why you never saw us at fancy charity galas. But I must allow for the fact that he also just didn’t like to wear a tux…
Recently, I caught wind of the fact that a few of Tommy’s friends were teasing him about how many kids we had in our family – saying surely Tommy, being number 5, must have been an “accident.” It was all in good fun. I think they just rationally found it hard to believe in this day and age people would purposely have 5 kids. I’m leading with this to try in some way, if at all possible, to illustrate Jimmy as a father…
One day when we lived in Phoenix, Jimmy came to me and said, “I need TO TALK TO YOU. We are missing someone!”
I looked across the playroom at a sea of children’s heads. Our tweenage daughter’s 13 and 10 and our 5 year old daughter and 2 year old son and said, “1-2-3-4! No HONEY, everyone is present and accounted for!”
He said, “That’s not what I mean! I’m talking about when I look over my shoulder as I’m backing our van out of the driveway for mass and I see all those little faces looking back, a very strong feeling comes over me that there’s someone else who’s supposed to be back there, someone who isn’t here yet. I think God has a little soul he’s wanting to give us ….I’m trying to say our family is not yet complete”
I don’t know how another woman walks away from a conversation like that, but suffice it to say, I was pregnant pretty soon after. I didn’t find it necessary to take a pregnancy test right away – I kept putting Jimmy off despite his badgering me. But on Thanksgiving day I guess he couldn’t wait another minute. He busted into the bedroom that morning with a brown bag from Walgreens, handed me the stick – pointed to the bathroom and said, “Go!” I came back and handed him the positive result. He was beside himself with joy, because I guess He wanted to give Thanks on Thanksgiving day.
Some of you may see this as an example of how much we adore our Tommy. And we do. He is undoubtedly cherished. But remember at this point we didn’t even know the kid. This story is really a testimony of the unfathomable joy the other 4 children brought their Dad every single minute of every single day. The man didn’t golf, play tennis, hunt, fish or go to Vegas. If he wasn’t working, he was daddying. The word Daddy was a verb in our house.
I think I would like to conclude all of this by describing to you the last few days of Jimmy’s life.
Three days before he was killed, last Thursday, I was at our daughter’s home babysitting our grandson when Jimmy swung by on his way to work. I let him in, he gingerly took the infant from my arms and sat down in their rocking chair cooing and stroking and loving on him. I sat on the couch beside them smiling and tearing up and thinking ironically that the greatest tragedy of my life was that my mother (who worshipped the very ground Jim Blanchard trod upon) died the day after Luke was born and would never be privy to the beautiful scene I was witnessing. The Great big man in a motorcycle jacket rocking the tiniest little replica of himself. (And Yes- for those that appreciate irony, I was actually sitting there thinking one week ago that was the greatest tragedy of my life.)
At that moment Jimmy snuggled closer to Luke, deeply inhaled his baby scent, looked over at me, I’m not going to say he exactly cried, but his eyes glazed over a bit and he hoarsely whispered, “We got to do this 5 times! 5 times. Man – We were blessed!”
A lot of you know my precious mother died just a few months ago. I think Jimmy and I both thought I would be doing better by now and a little further along in the grief process, but the very day after that, last Friday, my grief was so palpable to him that it seemed to be affecting my health. He sat on the edge of our bed, wiping the tears off my cheeks from a sad dream and said,
“I’m going to take the day off and we are going to stay in our jammie-lammies all day long. I know we have the baby today, so I’ll cart his swing and a stack of bottles and diapers up to the media room and we can binge-watch our Netflix series until Emilie picks him up!”
And that’s just what we did. When Our daughter arrived to pick up her baby, Jimmy ran up to Panda Express and got us some dinner. We were standing in the kitchen making our plates and he asked me if I was feeling better. I answered honestly,
“A little bit. I just feel so lost, orphaned, abandoned without my mother here. She was my everything until the day I met you. In fact, I shudder to think how terrible life would be for me if I ever were to lose you…”
Jimmy paused dramatically to give it all some thought and these are the poignant words of wisdom and comfort that he laid upon my heart:
He said:
“Hey I hear that! You know I was reading recently that in those Viking cultures, oftentimes when a Viking warrior died, they just buried his wife alive in the cave with him. I don’t know what those chics did in there all that time, but I would imagine they starved to death eventually!”
I was quiet and pensive for a moment. Sensing my hesitation he added,
“We would definitely get you some Swedish fish and Milk Duds and Coca Cola in there to tie you over for awhile…”
He had a quirky sense of humor, but honestly I don’t think he ever wanted to face life OR death without me.
In the early days of our marriage when Jimmy worked 90 hours a week, I took care of every aspect of his life that didn’t involve the actual running of a restaurant. I selected his outfit for the day, coordinated his necktie, laid out his underwear, brought him his coffee and ran a bead of toothpaste in a straight line down the bristles of his toothbrush while he was in the shower. But somewhere along the line, I dunno, maybe after the 5 kids or after he mellowed a bit, all the tables turned.
Somewhere along the line, Jimmy became solely responsible for:
-Turning on our tv …. I have no understanding how our remote control works
-Keeping track of all of our prescriptions, what I’m allergic to, how many migraine pills I had taken and when I could take another.
-He kept gas in my car, air in my tires and something that has to do with oil.
-Almost every night he brought me home a key lime pie, or a slice of mahogany chocolate cake, unless I was on a strict diet in which case he only brought a container of sour balls.
-He drew my bath in the morning after he made my coffee, but before he woke me up.
-And kept me supplied in those cheater-reader glasses. He was so proud he never paid for them. He got them from from the lost and found at the restaurants.
The night before he was killed I said, “Im congested, I can’t breathe through my nose,” he said, “if I leave right now I can get to Walgreens before they close.”
When he got home he unpackaged the bottle of Afrin , but the main thing is that he stood there handing me the spray and worrying aloud that maybe he should throw out the child proof cap because he didn’t think I’d ever be able to get it open the following week when he was in Kansas City. I told him it was fine – don’t worry about it.
As usual, He was right. The very next night after they told me what had happened to my Hero, I sobbed and cried until I couldn’t breathe. Of course I got congested. And when I reached for my bottle of Afrin from the night before I couldn’t get the lid off.
I guess the good news is that so many have offered to help me, I may start a sign up sheet for people who want to volunteer to do some of these things.
I recognize a lot of you younger people out there that I know looked up to Jimmy as a kind’ve pseudo-father figure. You may not think I know about each and every one of you because of his reserved public persona, but believe me, he would come home and tell me and tell me and tell me about you. I know he was your role model and your mentor. Believe me when I tell you how much joy it brought him as he witnessed you moving along your upward trajectories through our company or even on to other successes. So many of you were constantly checking back in with him later on your progress. Each one of you mattered to him more than you’ll ever know. Being a part of your lives meant the world to him.
To Jimmy’s mother, Mimi, I want you to know that sometimes he would look over at something I said or did or just the way that I handled a situation and say, “I married my mother!” But it was always and only when I had done something or behaved in a way that he found beautiful. He always told me you were a “Saint” and the sweetest woman on the face of the earth. I am so so sorry for your pain in losing him. I hope it gives you some measure of comfort to know he loved and cherished all you did for him his entire life.
Likewise to his siblings, Jimmy was so proud of y’all and your relationships. Every time one of y’all did something wonderful, he would say, “but of course – we are the best!”
To our own 5 children, I would say this: if Daddy had any faults it might have been that he took care of us too well… But what a legacy he left behind in y’all. Each of you is beautiful and smart and nice. But like your daddy, you’re so much more than nice. You are good. Partly because you inherited it and partly because you grew up basking in his shadow as he demonstrated everything he considered to be a teachable moment.
And didn’t he just consider everything to be a teachable moment?
So we will link arms and marshall this army forward without our General. But He left us with one heck of a blueprint. And, Who cares if we don’t know how to put air in the tires, you know what? If we can’t figure out how to get the air in, we can just buy new tires, I think they sell new ones that come with air. And if we don’t know how to replicate Dad’s extravagant Christmas and Thanksgiving dinners, we can just order pizzas.
Because I believe what Daddy did leave us is so much more important. Buried deep in your DNA and life experience is a mixture of strength, resiliency and a strong stubborn Cajun survival streak that can never be denied.
One last final thought- Jimmy and I loved to sing to one another. We sang constantly and sent each other you tube videos of performances or lyrics or songs we wanted the other to appreciate. The very last link he sent me was Styx singing “Don’t Let It End.” Underneath the link he had typed the words, “Man these guys had it going on!” If you have time later and you want your own private moment with Jimmy, pull it up on your phone and listen to it with him.
But Besides rock, we loved the Motown Sound and one of our favorite artists through the years was Gladys Knight. Besides the song that we played in the video last night, (My Life Story) she sings another song we both adored. The only problem is every time Jimmy would serenade me with this particular song, I would burst into tears. Cue the floodworks of sobs and tears. Every. single. time.
So much so that I had no choice but to issue a Song Ban forbidding him from singing it. Which honestly he thought was a little hilarious. He would get all high and mighty and tell me “Tiny Red – you can’t just Willy-Nilly BAN a song!” But because it upset me so much he finally promised me he would never sing it again.
And I’ll never sing it either. Because Neither One Of Us Wants To Be The First To Say Goodbye…
Fair well my love – good-bye…
What a beautiful tribute and a beautiful marriage and family! I am so sorry for your loss. I love your column, dear lady …
LikeLike
Thank you. That means everything to me. I’m going to try to keep writing. We will see what happens. ❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m so sorry for your loss. Sounds like he was such amazing person! Thank you for sharing your heart in your difficult time. May I ask what happened?
LikeLike
He was killed in a head on collision while riding his motorcycle last Sunday by an elderly gentleman who made an abrupt and unsafe left turn without a signal etc. The investigators have said there was no time for Jimmy to react.
LikeLike
Oh my goodness. I am sincerely sorry. It’s terrible to lose someone that way. My prayers and thoughts are with you during this difficult time. 😦
LikeLike
Yes, it’s exactly one of those things you spend your entire life thinking “happens to someone else.” I don’t mean that to sound arrogant. You just never in a million years think it will happen to you. My husband was the “Marlborough Man” type. Things didn’t happen to him. He happened to things.
LikeLike
My sympathy is with you, your family, and all who loved your amazing man. Praying for you all.
LikeLike
Oh, Lesley -that song made me cry. The eulogy was so beautiful. My prayers are with you and your children and Carol and Jay, Cathy and Susu. I love you.
LikeLike
Wow, what a loving a wonderful and REAL tribute to a beautiful person and wonderful marriage. You were blessed (and still are) . My thoughts are with all if you .
LikeLike
I can’t imagine what you are going through….may our Lord and Savior Jesus comfort you now and forever. God bless you and all of his family.
LikeLike
I only know of you and your precious family because of your blog. Your humorous and intimate writings not have not only made me chuckle out loud but kind of fall in love with your whole family ( not in a strange creepy way- more like a woukdnt it be fun th be their neighbor way). I want to say I am terribly and deeply sorry for the loss of your husband. I cannot imagine the pain you, your children and loved ones must be experiencing. I have said prayers for you all and will pray you find comfort in the many memories you have. If only we had magic wands and could make everything ok once again. Thank you for your lovely and powerful post . Again I am so terribly sorry…
LikeLike
Sheryl – you are so cute. It would be fun if we were neighbors! It was my goal in my writing that my readers would feel like they knew us!!
LikeLike
A piece of literary genius….for a most wonderful man! Love you!
LikeLike
My sister. I love you.
LikeLike
my heart is broken for you. i am so sorry for this loss. i hope you can rest in the sea of love and understanding that surrounds you.
LikeLike
An amazing tribute for an apparently amazing man. Thanks for sharing him Leslie. 🙏🏻
LikeLike
Wow, just wow – you guys shared a once in a lifetime love that will never end . . .
I always knew you were an amazing family, just never knew how amazing!
LikeLike
Oh my! I’m so sorry for your loss of a wonderful man. This tribute is beautiful.
LikeLike
I’m sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your memories of him with us. He sounds like, exactly as you said, a truly good man. ❤
LikeLike
Our heartfelt sympathy-prayers for you all. Amazed at your strength to be able to put your feelings into words.
LikeLiked by 1 person
So sorry for your loss. I saw this in my email and always get a giggle reading your stuff and was stunned when I read the word “Murdered”. Trying to find an article telling what happened.. again my heart breaks for you and your family. A beautiful post about an incredible man in your life.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh Leslie, what a beautiful tribute to your Jimmy…..your love, your marriage, your family is certainly an inspiration to us all……please continue sharing these memories…….love to all of you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m going to try to keep writing. I will have to “mine” my memories for funny and beautiful times to write about. Because it may take time for them to occur naturally again. Thank you so much for connecting.
LikeLike
I have been crying since I started reading this- my husband asked me why and was surprised to realize that I was crying over the death of someone that I’ve never met. I know why, however. I cry from gratitude- for I too am married to such a man,a good man, who knows the Lord and who seeks to do his will. How blessed you were to have been in each other’s lives. I will be praying for you, that your burdens will be lifted, that you will know that you are not alone, that you will feel peace in the wake of this tragedy. I know you will see your Jim again.
LikeLike
That is my prayer Aubrey. Thank you for getting in touch. The love everyone has shown us has truly been a balm.
LikeLike
So so sorry for your loss. I can’t even find words right now.
LikeLike
Thank you!
LikeLike
Just as beautiful as I sat and watched you this beautiful strong woman stand before your children Mother o law family and the many friends who sat in tears hearing the most beautiful love story unfold. Thank you ❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you- that is so kind. I owed it to that sweet sweet man.
LikeLike
Oh Leslie, I am in shock and so sad.
For now, all you need to do is breathe…. Just breathe
Let God carry you for awhile.
LikeLike
Trying so hard….
LikeLike
Dear Leslie. I have tremendously enjoyed all your stories since coming across your blog. I love your sense of humour, how you describe the people in your life, the obvious love you cherish for each and every one of them. I am crying with you! This would be my deepest and worst fear, losing my husband and my rock. I can not for one second even imagine what you are feeling, and thus my prayer is that the Lord covers you in His love, that His joy will be your strength, that you will seek refuge in Him, as He KNOWS what it feels like to lose someone you love to death. May your heart be protected in Him, and I also pray that unspeakable peace will fill you, so that you may be strong for those who need it from you. Let Him be your strength when you can not be strong any more… I so wish I could hug you all the way from South Africa, but do know that you are in my prayers, and will continue to be. Love, Annerie
LikeLike
Annerie- prayers are the only thing that can get me through thid unspeakable nightmare. Please keep praying for my children. It means everything to me.
LikeLike
Me and my family will continue to do so!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you!
LikeLike
I just stumbled across your blog and tis post is the first I have read. I am truly sorry for your loss and am praying for you and your family. What a beautiful well written tribute to your husband this post is. May God wrap his loving arms around you bringing you comfort and strength to get through this difficult time in your life. Thank you for sharing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for reaching out and your kindness is certainly a balm.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh no. I am so sorry. Your sharing of this eulogy and the love you shared with your husband will touch many. Many blessings for the process of grieving, however long it takes and whatever it looks like for you. I’ll be thinking of you. peace, Chuck
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank
You so much. It was a tremendous shock. You never think anything like that is going to happen to you or your family. We have been touched deeply by the outpouring of concern from friends and my readers. It’s going to be a long road, but I plan to persevere. I owe it to my sweetheart. He would expect nothing less.
LikeLike
Dear Leslie I was truly shocked and saddened to read this eulogy. He sounds like a wonderful man and I know you will have many beautiful memories to keep in your heart to help you through this most difficult time.
Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family while you continue to journey through life.
LikeLike
I am so sorry for your loss.
LikeLiked by 1 person
My heart aches for you and your family that you cannot be with your sweet companion right now. I will pray for you and your family.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Have followed your writings and so enjoy your humor, this one took my breath away, I had to read and RE read it. WOW!!! So sorry to hear this happened but what a wonderful tribute! I only hope you can continue writing, you will help so many. Thoughts and prayers to you and your family. 💜
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for taking the time to reach out. Your words mean everything to me.
LikeLike
I’m so very sorry. I only know you and your family through your brilliant, funny and insightful blog but can’t help thinking of you all. Your husband sounds like such an amazing man. I don’t have any advice, just that my sister lost her husband very young too (she was 44, he was 49 and they’d also been together since they were 18) and, though it seems impossible to believe now, it does get easier. Hugs. x
LikeLike
That is so great to hear. If she wants to contact me, it would be great.
LikeLike
xx My sister said it’d be great to get in touch too – should she just post on here? xx
LikeLike
She can email me at agingersnapped@icloud.com
LikeLike
I cried Friday when you read these words and I am crying again today. My heart breaks for you and your family. I met Jim only once and feel cheated that I didn’t know him better. He sounded like an amazing person no matter what role he was playing. I know you will get through this, but the struggle is real and grief is a terrible partner. Praying hard for all of you.
LikeLike
Thank you. We really thought the four of us were going to be great friends.
LikeLike
If words from your readers are of any comfort to you and your family, I wanted to add mine here. Your tribute was moving and authentic, and though I never met your husband or mother, I felt the loss of never having done so. It also made me again so very aware that I, and every one of us, had best make the most of the days with our loved ones, you just never know. Your family really seem to have done that well. I am deeply sorry for your family’s loss. Hold that grandbaby tight. Wishing you enveloping peace over the days to come.
LikeLike
Your words are like a balm. What brings me peace is feeling that he did not live nor die in vain. But that maybe people are inspired by all we had, shared and tried to accomplish in such a short time.
LikeLike
I am so very very sorry for your loss. What an amazing tribute to an amazing marriage. You grew a history together, and that story goes on. So very very sorry for your pain. Hugs to you and yours.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much Kathryn.
LikeLike
Dearest Leslie, your blog has been a breath of much needed fresh air for me the past couple years as I have walked through some difficult times. It has truly been a gift from God when I needed some joy and laughter in very dark times. I have often thanked God for you and the gift He has given you in expressing yourself in writing. As you now face deep sorrow, please know I am praying for you and your family. I trust God will sustain you as only He can. With much love and affection, Lydia
LikeLike
Thank you Lydia. It is through our darkest hours that we are closest to God. We both have to hold on to our faith. Hugs to you.
LikeLike
Leslie~ I was completely shocked when I sat down late last night to read the newest A Ginger Snapped. I feel as though I know you well… courtesy of your beautiful/ funny/poignant stories…and also our sweet connection, Dianne H. Please…please know I am praying continually for you and your precious family. I can only imagine the many spirits that you have lifted with your musings …I know folks will cover you with love and support. I know you had….and still have.. a wonderful guy. Thank you for taking time to share with us all~ Marty Armstrong
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Marty. It was a very sudden and tragic loss we will never recover from. But we will carry on and honor his legacy in our lives.
LikeLike
So sorry to hear of this, I pray that you and your family will be cradled in God’s loving arms as you mourn your loss.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much. That means everything to us.
LikeLike
Pray for us whenever you can. We are uplifted by the prayers. Thank you so much for connecting.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I add my condolences to the no doubt hundreds, probably many more you have received. It is almost 5 years now since I lost one of 3 precious sons in a car accident with an 18 wheeler. He was 18, a senior in HS and returning from an out of town track meet. He too, like your precious husband, was an individual with an incredible, unforgettable, goodness, integrity keeper that dealt with every one honorably and whom people just naturally seemed drawn to and looked to as a leader. The day he died, we got his letter from Harvard University and were supposed to go get fitted for his tuxedo for prom. He was in love for the first time, and she is just happens to be a red head, too, beautiful inside and out. You are so right that we think such tragedies happen to someone else. I cannot imagine losing my mom, gaining a grandchild and then losing a spouse. For me it was losing a job, a month later losing my son, 19 days later gaining a beautiful granddaughter, a few months later losing my home and during this progressively losing my eye sight in one eye and having a slew of existing illnesses take a fast train with no brakes downhill. My granddaughter kept me grounded and I think God knew I wouldn’t have survived without her. In my experience, the grief is like waves.. At first coming so fast and tall you can’t get a break and breathe. Then they slow a bit but overtake you when they come in over your head. For me that happened for years. Now it happens still, but the waves are not always so tall, sometimes they are manageable if I float with them and don’t fight them, let the memory flow thru you, let the tears come where they may. Prayer and my relationship with God has truly helped me as you said experience a sense of peace that surpasses all understanding. I never in my 49 years thought that scripture would apply to grief from losing 1 of my 3 sons but now I see it does, for me. I am so sorry that you are experiencing such devastating sorrow and pain. It hurts this much because we loved this much. I hope you are able to continue writing, when you feel up to it, I think it will help you. If you would ever care to talk, I would be happy to listen.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Bless your heart. I can’t imagine the grief of losing a child. Jimmy had prepared me as much as he possibly could for his death. He had a feeling that The Lord would take him young. He never could explain it because he so enjoyed his life and his family. He just felt that. But you can never really be prepared. And you can certainly never be prepared to lose a child. That is just unfathomanle. I draw comfort from reading about your strength and survival. Thank you so much for reading my articles and connecting with me personally. God Bless.
LikeLike
I am so very sorry for your profound loss of your amazing and beloved husband. I found your lovely blog a few months ago through one of your articles in Scary Mommy. I had forgotten to bookmark your blog and really wanted to find it today and went through SM articles to find it. I’m writing this with tears in my eyes. You have written a truly beautiful, heart felt and amazing tribute to a very special man. I’ve been married for 25 years to a man who has many of the wonderful qualities of your husband. Words cannot express how truly sorry I am for your loss. I will remember you and your family in my prayers. I know my Catholic faith has given me comfort over the years and I hope it will help ease a little of the pain you are going through. Sending you warm thoughts. Your writing is so honest and lovely I hope if you can you will continue to share your gift. Please take care. Warm regards, Angela
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Angela. I’m so touched that you took such care to look my articles back up. That’s such a compliment. I am uplifted by your lovely words. Pray for me when it ever crosses your mind.
LikeLike
My heart is bruised with you. I too have a loving husband that I adore. I often think how life will be for either of us once one has passed on. It’s just plain hard and sad. There are no words that can take away these feelings. Know that your readers are with you and our compassion abounds. Life is a blessing. Fill your life with the love that surrounds you. We are sending our love your way.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much. The outpouring has been beyond touching. It uplifts us and helps us stay committed to survive this unimaginable sadness.
LikeLike
I am so sorry. I don’t really know what to say……I know nothing I can say can make anything better for you. Please know that an internet stranger up in Canada who follows your blog and loves you and your family is thinking about you and wishing you peace. You’ve written the most beautiful eulogy. Please take care.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The comfort that brings me is greater than you can ever know. It may sound odd to say this, but if you’re reading the blog than you’re not a stranger. Our hearts are knit through the stories.
LikeLike
I am so very sorry for your loss! I have been following your writing for some time now and have taken such delight in your humor, parenting sense, and the love and pride in your dear family that is so palpable in each post. My husband and I also met in our teens and we are expecting our fifth child this year. I read your beautiful tribute to Jim aloud to him, and we are both so tenderly touched and inspired by your relationship. I truly can’t tell you how much joy your stories have brought me. I do hope you keep writing and sharing! Many, many prayers for your peace, comfort, and strength.
May the servant of God, Jim, be welcomed into paradise, grant him rest, and may his memory be eternal.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It is surely only through the hand of God that we have been able to find peace and comfort in the wake of this tragedy. The prayers of our friends are lifting us up. Thank you for that gift.
LikeLike
I have read and re-read this in disbelief several times now. I keep looking for somewhere it says it isn’t true but I see that it is. I have tried to leave a reply several times but it keeps kicking me out – not sure why. I must try once more because I want you to know how truly saddened I was to hear this news. I love your blog, it’s the only one I allow on my email inbox. You have made me laugh out loud so many times. We have lots in common being a large Catholic family, etc. I so relate to many of your experiences and I love the way you look at everything! Please know that we will be praying for you and yours on our knees. I can’t imagine the immense grief you must be suffering. I pray that your faith and your family and the support you get from your bloggers like me, praying and thinking of you daily is at least a little balm. Much love and many prayers to you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you Lori. I so wish it were not true. It’s one of those things I guess we all think can’t happen to us or our loved ones. Thousands have reached out to say that they feel like they knew Jimmy personally from reading about him. He was so supportive of my writing and, although he was a deeply private man, seemed to take pleasure out of being my muse. Thank you so much for reading and supporting me through this. God willing, I will write again.
LikeLike
Oh Leslie – I did the same as Lori above – kept looking for the words that would tell me I was somehow misunderstanding the post. I am just devastated to learn of the loss of your beloved Jim. What a stunningly beautiful eulogy you’ve written, brought me to tears. I’ve read your blog for a couple years now and have looked forward to each next installment. Your family and mine have lots in common and you’ve made me laugh like no other. Please know you are in our prayers – I feel as if I know you all even all the way on the west coast and having never met. May God bless you all.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Bless you. I wish there was some kind of *editors note saying it wasn’t true or that it was all just a bad dream or a cautionary tale. Thank you for love from the west coast. We love you right back.
LikeLike
What an incredibly thoughtful and touching tribute to a GOOD man. I am deeply sorry to learn of the loss of your husband, and can only imagine the sadness and pain you are experiencing, especially since your grief in losing your mother is still so fresh. I can tell from what you wrote that you had a very special and caring relationship with your husband, and many precious memories. May those memories, the blessing of the family you raised together, and the presence of and love of God strengthen and sustain you now and every day. Grace and peace, Mimi Michael PS: You have blessed me with your wisdom and humor, thank you for writing and sharing.
On Sun, Feb 4, 2018 at 12:59 PM, A Ginger Snapped wrote:
> yayamom43 posted: ” You know how sometimes you’ll meet a person and think > to yourself or even tell everyone around you, “Oh my gosh, he was the > nicest man you could ever want to meet!” Well, That wasn’t my husband. I’m > not saying he wasn’t nice, of course he was, he w” >
LikeLike
Thank you Mimi! He was such a good man. I’m glad it comes through in my writing. He was certainly my muse. I’ll be mining my memories from now on!!
LikeLike
What an incredibly thoughtful and touching tribute to a GOOD man. I am deeply sorry to learn of the loss of your husband, and can only imagine the sadness and pain you are experiencing, especially since your grief in losing your mother is still so fresh. I can tell from what you wrote that you had a very special and caring relationship with your husband, and many precious memories. May those memories, the blessing of the family you raised together, and the presence of and love of God strengthen and sustain you today and every day.
PS: You have blessed me with your wisdom, depth, and humor. Thank you for sharing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
What an absolutely lovely tribute to your husband!! Reading your words about Jimmy had me thinking about my own husband, Kelly. He is truly the best person that I know, and like your Jimmy, he is such a good man!! Others look at us and wonder how in the world we ever got together, but all I can tell them is that they just can’t see how much of a good person he is and how he is the perfect fit for my crazy, red-headed self.
Much love and prayers for you and your family during this time. I can’t imagine how you feel, but I do know I would most likely feel the same way you do right now: sad, angry, happy and blessed!! God bless you all.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The best relationships are the ones that are mystifying and inexplicable from the outside looking in. We fought like siblings and were devoted like Romeo and Juliet. Whatever. It was crazy/passionate. Never ever dull. The man loved a redhead.
LikeLike
Leslie – I am so sorry for your loss. We have never met in person but I love your blog and read it faithfully! When I first read this entry several weeks ago I sat in my office and cried for you and your family. It was so obvious to me from reading about your family and especially about your Jimmy, how much you all loved each other. You have been in my prayers these many weeks and will continue to be. And it has made to appreciate how precious life is and how precious my husband is to me. God’s blessings to you and yours.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much Chris. Your prayers mean everything to us. We truly feel lifted by them. We are experiencing the peace that surpasses all understanding. But we do miss him so much.
LikeLike
My sincerest condolences to you and your family. I haven’t been here for a while and had no idea. What a beautiful tribute to Jimmy. May you find peace in all of the wonderful memories.
LikeLike
Thank you Deb. A lot has happened and it’s caught more than a few of my readers off-guard. (And me too obviously). We are figuring out how to find our way. Love that you stay connected. Hugs.
LikeLike